Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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