JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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