I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
