having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
