it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
