During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
