So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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