your thong is hanging out like whoa
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
