ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
