I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
