The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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