oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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