Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
