the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize