nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
