what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
