If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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