i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
