I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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