Don't make out with my wife yet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
