dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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