I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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