as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
