So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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