oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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