I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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