You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
