Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
