so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
