I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
