My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
