def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
