dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My vagina just clenched in fear
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
