i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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