your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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