So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
