hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.