i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge