I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.