i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.