It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.