I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us