Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...