So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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