His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ugly people sure do ruin things
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
