M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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