Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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