I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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