ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Even my vagina gasped.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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