I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
