Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
