After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
