Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
