no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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