her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
