So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
third nipple confirmed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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