i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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