Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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