We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
