I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
