Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
