there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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