Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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