At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
