we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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