Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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