Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
