I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
