I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
