I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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