This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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