eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
