the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
