Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
