Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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