Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
