things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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