Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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