apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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