Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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