my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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