i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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