I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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