Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
