You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
