Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
