Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
