Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ladies don't puke and tell
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
